I thought I would be writing this entry from Ethiopia this week with some possible insights into “there” versus “here”; it turns out the Passport Canada, Canada Post, Air Canada gong show trifecta kept me in Canada a week longer than we planned.
I’m listening to this song by some Canadian ladies. I’m practically giddy thinking about sinking into the arms of the husband.
I want you close.
I want you.
I won’t treat you like you’re typical.
All I want to get is a little bit closer.
And so I am. Thirty six hours of travel begins early Friday morning so I am writing this still on Canadian soil. Even though I’m not “there” yet, I want to share (I know, cringe!) my biggest realization (five months living with your Mom can do that no matter how close you are!). Okay. But it’s a doozy. So be ready cause this is a shocker.
Showing vulnerability – my deepest self, tangled with feelings – does not equal weakness. This little theory showed me my truth and rocked me to my thirty-four year-old core. My whole tactic for living abroad – showing very little emotion and toughing it out – was just plain not helpful in maintaining connections back home. It seems obvious now but my mind is blown. Thanks to this book, these are some of the words I’m going to work into my vocabulary:
I need help. It’s important to me. Here’s what I need.
Here’s what I feel. I want to help. Let’s move on.
I’m sorry. Thank you.
It feels exciting to not have it all figured out while simultaneously finding a book that answers the major life questions I’ve been considering lately. To honour my time in Canada, I have to share this too…
Here’s what I feel: warm tears, a lump in my throat, heartache.
I will need help transitioning back to my old life.
To my family and friends, you are important to me.
Thank you for the lovely memories.
We’ll make more.
See you on the other side.
