As summer turns into fall, it’s the season for changing focus. Back to school for some, a lifestyle change for others. Hoping September brings less chaos!
Turning. Constant turning as my head tumbles through the list of things that need to happen. Prioritizing what needs to be done today and tucking the rest away for tomorrow. Bleeding energy as I walk through the day easily forgetting how I arrived at this point. Reminding myself that when September arrives, when the kids are in school – both of them in full time school, finally – that I will have more time, more focus, more drive. But now I wonder if there is truth to this assumption… this hope…?
Deadlines loom, all of them important to someone else, which makes them important to me, married to them by the phrase “I’ll do that.” Resolving that the few items with short shelf lives will not be replaced with more. Resolving that if I can get through August, when September arrives I will take some time to focus on me.
I will eat fewer potato chips and drink more water. I will walk and breathe fresh air. I will be a patient mother who does not yell before taking a minute to understand how her children must be feeling. A woman who does not loath interruption, twists in the plot, and the loss of control. Control being the only way that anything seems to get done, despite the rotten taste it leaves in my mouth.
Finding gratitude in the day is something that will be added to the schedule at a convenient, less hectic time, though it is needed now. And learning, alongside my daughter, how to push through anxiety. Reframing. Taking things off my list. To no longer view exercise, breathing, and eating-well as something I have to do, but something that I want to do. And viewing it all as something that needs to happen so everything else will fall into place.
Wondering if this new year, this new school year, will bring me quiet, peace, and perspective.
Unsure how this will land… barely remembering to count down the days until change arrives. Realizing that it will come, ready or not. This is me, the way I feel today, changing focus.